Ben: We’ll miss you!

Well, as most of you know by now, my brother, Benjamin Christopher Belloni passed away Sunday, July 2, 2006. He had been in the hospital for exactly one week with a ruptured artery in his abdomen. It seemed like he was getting better, but that morning, he began bleeding again and they rushed him into emergency surgery, but unfortunately were not able to stop the bleeding.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to write about his death in here, but for some reason I feel that I must. Ben’s death is one of the hardest things i’ve had to deal with. Even harder than the death of my mother, who died from very similar circumstances 10+ years ago. I think this has been harder because all of the sudden I feel very alone. Granted, I know that I am not, as I still have a lot of family and friends around who care about me, but when Mom died, Dad, Ben and I were the ones who got ourselves through it. Now it’s just me and Dad. Ben was the one who was there to help me make fun of family members when the things they were saying and doing were so rediculous that all you could do is laugh and make fun. Now I find myself making jokes that no one else understands and I am the only one who gets them.

Ben and I didn’t talk much, but when we were together we didn’t need to. We understood each other and didn’t need to say much. I didn’t realize how much I liked having him around until he moved to Colorado. When he would come home I would find myself finding reasons for us to ride together to family gatherings and stuff like that. Now I see that I took that time that we had for granted as he will not be coming home again.

Overall I am very pround of the person he became. In ways I am jealous that I couldn’t be more like him. After talking to his friends and seeing the things that he was doing in Colorado, it is obvious that he had found his calling and was doing what he truly enjoyed. I can only hope that I can live my life in the way that he did, touching so many people and doing the things that he wanted to do.

In closing, I just want to say, to Ben, that I am glad that you were my brother. I couldn’t have asked for a better one. I’ll always cherish all the memories we had together and I can only hope that someday I will be able to join you and Mom in a better place.

I’ll miss you forever.